| (no subject) |
[Apr. 4th, 2006|08:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed (but not that angery) | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | I Constantly Thanks God for Esteban | ] |
I'm bored. Like really, really bored. I guess I'll just write randomly.
So Sarah and Taylor are forcing me to go to some BR dance on Friday. I bopped into Algebra today and they were like "EMILY! Are you going to the BR dance?!?!?!?" I just kindda' stood there, and asked what dance. Of course they were all over it like a sticker to a piece of paper. So then they just decided I'm going without me fully knowing what's still going on. *sigh* confusion. In all honesty I can see how it going to go now *swirly screen, harp rolling through notes, fuzzy edges mimicking the future* I will get there, they will introduce me to half of the BR freshman, and then all those freshman will ask if they are done, and walk away. They will have a great time, and I will just kindda' be there. I don't know any BR guys! How the hell do they expect me to go when I know no one? It'll suck. They both are going to get closer to their crushes, and what will I be doing? Just being there. Like Christmas dance. HEY! With any luck maybe Bua will be there, and we can a fun rerun of the previous dance. Shoot me now.
you see, unlike other girls, I don't sit here and dream about how I will go, meet prince charming, and be swept off of my feet or anything. I'm past all that "dream guy" crap. All guys suck. There, I said it, and I meant *goes back and counts* all three of those words too. I am SO past high school love and all that. Thanks Sarah and Taylor, thanks. |
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| I love. . . lamp. |
[Mar. 21st, 2006|09:09 pm] |
YAY! Ok, so my dad just fixed my lamp, of which I thought I killed and there was no reviving it. Yes, my shiny pink lamp, gosh, I'm so glad it's back. I love lamp. . . really I do.
O MY! Ok, so this morning I think I slipped on the only piece of ice left in Michigan. SERIOUSLY! There was one little patch of ice about 6 inches in diameter, yet I managed to slip on it. And I crunched down on my foot that already hurt after practice from last night. *sigh* Looking back on all the crap I've done to my right leg, I'm amazed I still have. I've got it wrapped around hurdles, I've crunched down on it while slipping on ice, I've used it as a brake for biking and snowboarding (definitely don't do that), etc., etc., etc. It's like, ow. OOOOO fond memories.
SO. . . O! ha ha ha, I'm totally finding a way back onto crew without having to deal with Spencer. YAY! The costumes person called me today wondering if I wanted to do costumes, and I was like "YES!" So I get to do costumes now. I'm SO good at getting past my obstacles. Like, Mrs. Householder who told me not to take band, because it would get me nowhere, and she didn't want to see me taking it. So what do I do? I TAKE ZERO HOUR BAND! Or like when I want to quit crew because Spencer wants to eat me, I get on another crew. OOOOO yes. Can't touch this.
In honesty, I'm not paying attention to what I'm saying because I'm talking to Taylor on the phone, so I'm just going to call this an entry. |
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| ;oisrtjha;ldikgzlckfghad;lirhtgadlkrhgldkajrg;oeIRK! |
[Mar. 20th, 2006|07:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | but It's Better If You Do ~ Panic! | ] |
So my parental units have decided that I must be awake for at least a few more hours, and this day can't die yet. *sigh* I am like dying here because of the sleep deprivation. I am seriously not even thinking about what I'm writing. Elephant. Stapler. Rose. Blender. CTP (ha ha ha). So on and so forth.
Anyways, I guess I'll just keep rambling on about my life until I can sneak back to sleep. I have a physical addiction to Panic! at the Disco. It's like crack for a band nerd, I try SO hard not to listen to them, really I do, but I HAVE to listen to them. It's seriously becoming an issue for me, because I am SO obsessed. I think they did an under track just saying "You love Panic! a the Disco. . . you MUST keep listening. . . don't you DARE turn us off. . ." Yeah, or something along those lines. I seriously want to marry the bassist tho. Gosh he is like on fire hot, and he also writes the lyrics. Ok seriously, the lyrics are amazing. They are so real, and so spicy. It's just great.
You can tell I'm struggling with school again, because I'm in my "I swear to God, I think I'll just be a gold digger" mood again. Sally and I even came up with a plan for me. I'm tempted to go through with it too. . . but I don't want to look like slut. Damn being a good Christian! he he he
Speaking of boyfriends, my family wants me to date SO badly, it's hilarious. My dad keeps asking me if I have a boyfriend yet and my mom keeps trying to set me up with juniors at BR, and seniors at St. Mary's. Anyone else think that's a little creepy? I know I do! But seriously, I've just given up. I think if I just stay focused on school I could like 4 point. No distractions, no interruptions, no nothing. I could always be a nun too. HA! HA! HA! Imagine me as a nun, how great would THAT be? But I wouldn't be an IHM (love ya' Marian), because I have to wear the nun outfit, or it's just not worth it. Or I could be an IHM, and kick it with Smich. ha ha ha, how incredibly screwed would Smich be if I became a nun? But then again, I assume I’d have to give up Panic! if I became a nun. Well, at least "But It's Better If You Do” which is my favorite song. . . o the mixed feelings.
Well, maybe I can sneak away to my place of sleeping. Nighty nighty everyone (or perhaps for everyone who isn't me, good evening) |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2006|07:45 pm] |
OK! So last night was my band concert. It went well. The jazz band is HUGE, while the Concert band is a cute little size, and the orchestra is just miniature. Everyone sounded good. GO US!
So this morning my band was given the task of bringing things back over to Rice *rolls eyes* I don't necessarily think I did anything. . . but I had an excuse because I'm a girl. HA! HA! HA! So anyways, afterwards Deabs had a hard time calming the guys down, so he handed us a box full of candy and thank you cards from an elementary school that we played at. All the guys were like CANDY! And Molly and I were like LITTLE KID CARDS! HA! HA! HA! OMG tho! Did my heart BREAK at some of things these kids wrote to us. There were quite a few "awwwww"'s coming from me, because it was just so heart-breaking. I am SUCH a girl. . . But anyways, I really felt bad for those kids. They have nothing, yet they find happiness in a group full of over energetic guys, and two girls playing instruments for them. Wow, it put things in perspective for me. |
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| Just Noticed |
[Mar. 13th, 2006|07:27 pm] |
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Ok, so after readin other people's from other cities, I just realized that my entire journal is just s constant bitchfest between being single and hating Clarkston. I'm sorry to all you poor souls who actually read this thing. You must think I am pretty pathetic. . . I know I do. |
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| Marian vs. Clarkston |
[Mar. 13th, 2006|06:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Perfect Situation ~ Weezer | ] |
I'm hurting like whoa right now! My legs hurt, my arms hurt, my feet hurt, my stomach hurts, my eyes hurt, and my head hurts. OUCHY!
Anyways, I started track today. I am the only hurdler. I wonder if I'll be in the first heat. . . ha ha ha. Well all and all it's pretty good. I am drastically out of shape *sigh* It sucks.
For some reason I am on this "I HATE CLARKSTON!" thing. I guess I'm finally feeling the pull between Clarkston and Marian. The track team is nothing like Clarkston's. There are only thirty girls, and it sucks that it isn't even our track. It's Brother Rice's and everything says "Warriors" on it instead of "Mustangs” I understand land and funds are limited, I guess I'm just missing the pushiness of Clarkston. I felt like I could really do so much on that team, but here I feel so defeated.
I'm starting to miss people form Clarkston too. My friends at Marian try to understand, but they can't. They can't fill the void. Only Clarkston people can truly feel empathy for me with the stuff I've had to go through. I talked with Amy-Kaye, and it's like I feel so apart of things and so real. I miss so many people. Particularly Amy-Kaye, Robyn, Alex, Jeff, and for some weird reason Schreiber. Gosh, I hated that kid, and he hated me. But for some reason I miss our constant fights, and then our constant understandings of each other. I felt like he really got me. I miss Robyn because she was always doing something. Like reading a book on this peace person, or wearing a t-shirt to stop people for doing that thing. She always had an opinion. And Jeff, it's just funny to watch him run around with hair that looks like its on fire. Of course Amy-Kaye and I shared the same humor, and we have SO many insiders. And Alex, just because he is my gay little buddy.
Why do I suddenly miss all of them? I believe my exact words when I left Clarkston was "Peace out bitches!!!!!" But I guess, because I have gone through so much there, I just like that other Clarkston people understand, because they have gone through it too.
I still love Marian. It's the best thing that has ever happened to me. But somehow I'm missing Clarkston. |
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| An Empty Smile |
[Mar. 11th, 2006|08:19 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bouncy! lol how great is that? | ] |
Well it has officially been on week of giving up my connections with friends. I guess you could say I gave up friends for lent. . . sure why not? It's like the smoking addiction thing, once you get past the third day, you're fine. But seriously, I am like DYING here. I have finally noticed how much time I have spent on the internet. Without anything to look at on the internet, there really isn't much else to do. I've noticed that I have become just tired more easily too.
Well, it's been a while since I have updated. So here is what you have missed. I no longer hate Michigan. . . *GASP!* I know! I picked up snowboarding recently, and actually going outside makes the dreaded Michigan winters more bearable. YAY! I'm SO not that good at it. But I can feel my self getting better and better every time I go out. Super sexy? Yeah, I know.
Track starts on Monday WOOT! I got new trainers and spikes too. Wow, do the new shoes feel amazing. I'm used to Berks, and Vans, and then to slip on a brand new pair of Asics. . . wow. It's like the old me is rushing back to me. In addition, I can just taste spring in the air. I feel so refreshed and excited.
Because there is a lack of anything better to do, I have been getting into art. I’ve created a few things, that really reflect the real me. They are pretty cool. And more and more ideas just keep coming out of me.
School has changed a lot over the little bit I have been there (it’s gotten even better). But, I have finally come to the challenge of facing my past. The other day in U.C.C. we were studying our Judaism section (which is becoming increasing important to me, because I am contemplating Judaism) and we talked about the feeling of being trapped and helpless, like the Jews back in Moses' day. The first thing that came to mind was last year. I couldn't think of anything else that gave me that feeling. So when we went around the room, and it came time to share my feeling, I tried to put it as simply as possible. Most have heard of my past struggle with Middle School, but no one knew to the extent of the pain it caused me. I almost started to cry; it hurt me so much to think about it again. My friend Camille came up to me after class and said "Emily, it sounded like you were about to cry” And Sarah joined us (she never went to Clarkston, but she lives in Clarkston) I explained to them the things I had gone through. Camille has seen a lot, and she was blown away by my past. Both said "Yeah, all this stuff has happened to you. I can really see why you are so optimistic and smiley" (in a sarcastic manner of course). Neither of them could believe that with my kind of past, that I could always walk into school now with a smile plastered on my face, and a new joke to tell.
My past really hurts me. The things I did were awful, but the things that were done to me will haunt me forever. I don't think anyone really knows how far they hurt me. They don't know how they ruined me. They don't know how I get myself physically sick whenever I think about what they did to me. They will never know (or care really). But I will forever know the extent to the hurt, and forever have to deal with the pain that I feel inside. Not very many happy memories. But I guess it has given me the opportunity to have a happy present and future. :D |
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| Christmas |
[Dec. 26th, 2005|02:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | I'm listening to country. . . I make myself sick (lol) | ] |
I think this is the first Christmas, that didn't suck for me. It was amazing, there was family all over my house this weekend, and I was just surrounded by so much warmth and happiness. I loved it, and I'm almost sad to see it end.
Well everything at Marian is going pretty good. Midterms are coming up, so lots of studying has and will be going down.
I suppose I'm excited. Taylor and I are going to Washington D.C. and NYC together this summer. As always I am excited to get to see her again. I'm a little scared I will have another NYC experience. But you know what? NYC still kicked @$$! So I guess no matter what happens I will have fun.
I don't really know what else to put. I'm content, so. . . there isn't a whole ton to put. I love you guys, and I miss you all a lot. I'll post more later. |
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| This could be interesting |
[Dec. 5th, 2005|09:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  there's something in my eye | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The TV | ] |
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
» I committed suicide:
» I said I liked you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Face:
» Hair:
» Clothes:
» Mannerisms:
[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[13] Are we close?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how attractive am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[32] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you? |
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| Last Day of 14 |
[Nov. 13th, 2005|07:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Dance, Dance ~ Fallout Boy | ] |
Well tomorrow I am officially 15. Looking back on this past year, I'd have to say it went nothing like I planned it to. Example, I thought I'd be in CHS, in marching band, with a BF. Ha ha ha. Instead I'm MHS, Art Crew, and single. Wow, how life makes these random turns for the best. I mean, to be honest I always thought I'd live that life, but it's only because that's what my bro did. I mean, I wouldn't be happy, I'd be my brother. I have to make my own life, and my own decisions.
Since going to Marian I thought I would be SO different, and SO the same all at the same time. I am, but I'm not. I thought I would be different in the aspects I wouldn't be so weird, and I thought I would be the same in the aspects of my decisions. Now I've come to notice I've taken different decisions, but I am still weird. I have to come to grips with the fact I am different. I do not belong in this world. I have morals, self-respect, and thoughts that no one can understand.
I think so backwards sometimes, but to me it is right. I'm sorry, but I don't think being 15 and still being a virgin is wrong. I also think that just because I've never kissed a guy before doesn't make me a loser. Finally, I don't think I'm messed up to have never had a bf. Perhaps you think I'm a wrong, messed up, loser, but you know what? I bet it isn't even important to you. I realize I have 1 life to live, and I don't want to waste any of the important things just to go through the motions. Maybe you do, like the rest of the world, but I refuse to be forced to be rushed into things just because it is the "it" thing to do.
Call my crazy, but I dare to be different. I dare to be focused. And I dare to be myself. |
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